👽 the place for all things alien and slop
👽 we love aliens
👽 they r kool
👽 ayy lmao
What did you just transmit about me, you small carbon-based noise organism? I'll have you know I hatched first in my clutch at the Academy of Interstellar Reconnaissance, and I have participated in numerous classified moonlit misunderstandings near the rings of Zorblatt-9. I possess over 300 confirmed vaporized egos.
I am trained in guerrilla—excuse me, gorilla—warfare, having studied your planet's most confusing primates from orbit, and I am the top sharpshooter in the entire Tri-Galactic Disagreement Fleet. To me, you are nothing but another blinking dot on a very low-resolution star map.
You believe you can emit such disrespect through the Internet and escape the cosmic consequences? Reconsider, mammal. As we communicate, I am contacting my secret network of mildly telepathic space interns across your continent, and your IP address is being politely examined by a committee of floating brains.
Prepare for the storm: not a lethal storm, but an extremely inconvenient storm of paperwork, static electricity, and ominous humming. The storm that gently inconveniences the pathetic little structure you call your "schedule."
I can be anywhere, anytime, mostly because I have mastered teleportation but not parking. I know over seven hundred ways to fold a napkin into shapes that imply menace, and that is merely with my bare tentacles.
Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed confusion, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Galactic Bureau of Overreaction, and I will use it to its full extent to make your socks slightly damp and your cereal inexplicably warm.
If only you had known what unholy administrative retribution your "clever" comment was about to summon, perhaps you would have held your tongue inside your face-mouth. But you did not. And now you shall pay the price.
I will beam fury in your general direction, and you will drown in passive-aggressive starlight. You are cosmically audited, kiddo.